It is the off-season my fellow Dr. Frankensteins, so put away your quarterback stat sheets (for now), don some surgical gloves, and join me in the OR for a procedure that is crucial to all of mankind. I have painstakingly ranked 3,200 photos of NFL cheerleaders into 5 categories: sexiest uniform, prettiest face, best hour glass shaped figure, nicest breasts, and the most booty licious butts in the business. I could have gone further and held a competition for the best legs, tan, lips, eyes, nose, teeth, hair, etc., but if I did all of that, this article would have taken months to finish. As it is, I have spent well over 20 hours of exclusive research on this topic just during the last week alone. Some of you may ask me why I would spend so much time on a tart that I will never have on my dessert plate. The answer is simple. I am doing this for you… my readers. You, you, you, never me, always you. I have labored extensively over this data-compiling task leaving no stone unturned. It hasn’t been fun, but that is the kind of writer that I am. Work, work, work, never play, always work. I did it all for your enjoyment, not mine, because I’m a giver. Give, give, give, never take, always give. I also had to endure the evil eye from my wife while I worked on this story, but I did it so I could make you guys happy.

The cheerleaders in the photos that I looked through, may be wearing uniforms that are no longer being used by the squad… but does it matter? Also, some of the pictures are a few years old, and these girls may not even be on the squad any longer… again, does it matter? I don’t have the names of the winners of each category… I repeat, does it matter? Lastly, are the curvaceous butts, thin waists, big boobs, and flawless complexions natural, or cosmetically altered? DOES IT MATTER?

Let’s begin with the sexiest cheerleader uniforms in the NFL. There are some good ones out there. The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders haven’t changed their uniforms much over the past 30 years, but they don’t need to. Those white shorts, blue shirts, and white vests are a staple in the football culture.

The Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader uniforms show the most skin.  They aren’t much more than bikinis and tennis shoes.

However, the winner of this category goes to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  The laces on the skirts are erotic; the red and black, swashbuckling, jagged skirts are hot stuff, and you can never go wrong with knee-high, black leather boots.

On the back of the top strap is the word ‘Buccaneers’ in their trademarked font, and the red part of the skirts are cut away showing just the frilly black material covering the girls’ tush.  The black band on the left arm is also a very nice touch.

I know several Breast Men.  Maybe some of you readers are Breast Men too.  The opinion of the typical Breast Man is, the bigger – the better!  I am somewhat a supporter of the line in the movie “Weird Science” when Gary said, “Anything bigger than a handful and your risking a sprained thumb.”  Big is okay, but NO SAGGING!  They need to be healthy, perky, and bouncy.  I just want to see some kind of a convex mound, when she is naked and laying on her back beneath me.  I think that this Tennessee Titans cheerleader will fill the requirements of most men.

Finally, I have rated the bottoms.  It was hard me to find more than a few pictures of good butt shots, because a lot of the uniforms still use skirts.  Some of the uniforms use shorts, but the butt shots were scarce.  Maybe this was on purpose, to protect the cheerleaders from giving leering cretins like myself a free look.  Anyhoo, when I was finally able to find some, I noticed that every single Dallas Cowboys cheerleader has a superior ass.  Either those shorts lift and shapes the buns, or when they choose the girls, they only pick the ones with the nicest fannies.  My selection does go to a Dallas girl, but she is not in her uniform, so this tush is all hers.

Now look at her face.  She is from Texas.  Can’t you just hear her say in a sweet southern accent, “Do y’all wanna come over to my Daddy’s ranch for some barbeque?”

Well, that’s pretty much it for now, my readers.  You may have noticed that there were no Oakland Raiders cheerleaders pictures shown.  They were not availkable for the photo shoot because they were too busy changing the dirty Depends diaper worn by Al Davis.